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| Mery | Saturday 04th of June 2005 08:51:56 PM |
| Need help for a correction - Hi everyone,
A friend of mine asked me to correct a text for him. It's full of mistakes. Can anyone help me with the correction? It's very important. Thank you! :D For my profesional training, I have worked at the Hospital Paul Brousse for 7 weeks ( december 1st to 23 january ) At this hospital I have worked at the DSI (department du service informatique) service. Their mission are to : - install and to maintain the computer device, and “assurer” that the network is working good. - Security (securité informatique) - Help and teach users (assistance, formation auprès des utilisateurs This hospital is situated in Villejuif, Paris surbubs. During my professional training, they asked me to realize 2 projects The first one is to secure the network by installing antivirus in each computer. The 2nd is to deploy some “thin clients” at different service. Thin client are a small box who contains a processor, a network card, and some memory. It uses only network for work because the thin client don’t have hard disk, so all the data is save at the server. In my professional intership, I have also help them to fix the computer wher the worker need med In my opinion, I think this training was very interesting because during this period I have learn a lot. | |
| Ulven | Saturday 04th of June 2005 09:48:33 PM |
| - For my profesional training, I have worked at the Hospital Paul Brousse for 7 weeks ([b]D[/b]ecember 1st to [b]J[/b]anuary 23[b]rd[/b])
At this hospital I have worked at the DSI (department du service informatique) service. Their mission [b]is[/b] to : - install and to maintain the computer device, and [b]to ensure[/b] that the network is working [b]well[/b]. - [b]s[/b]ecurity (securité informatique) - [b]h[/b]elp, teach, [b]assist[/b] and [b]train[/b] users/[b]trainees[/b] (assistance, formation auprès des utilisateurs) ***[i]I'm not entirely sure exactly which definitions you require here, as I'm not that familiar with official terms for positions in some jobs. But if the person is being taught how to become a member of the workplace, they are called a 'trainee' in most jobs.[/i] This hospital is situated in Villejuif, Paris suburbs ***[i]Maybe you'd still use the French name for 'suburbs'. banlieues/quartiers, because even in English, different countries use different terms. One is 'metropolitan area', which means all the suburbs that surround the city, even if they're many kilometres from the the city itself. So one option is "Paris Metropolitan Area".[/i] During my professional training, they asked me to realize [b]two[/b] projects ***[i]Perhaps using the word 'two', rather than the number '2' would look more professional.[/i] The first one is to secure the network by installing antivirus in each computer. ***[i](I'm not sure of the plural for 'antivirus'. Perhaps the next person will know?)[/i] The [b]second[/b] is to deploy some thin clients at different service[b]s[/b]. ***[i]You usually wouldn't use '2nd' in an official form, probably the word 'second' would be better. And perhaps the last sentence meant "...deploy some thin clients at [b]a[/b] different service", rather than 'several' services? I don't know what a "thin client" is.[/i] A 'thin client' [b]is[/b] a small box [b]which[/b] contains a processor, a network card, and some memory. It uses only network for work because the thin client [b]doesn't[/b] have hard disk, so all the data is save[b]d[/b] at the server. In my professional inter[b]n[/b]ship, I have also help[b]ed[/b] them to fix the computer wher[b]e[/b] the worker need med [b]<---?[/b] ***[i](...I don't know how this sentence was supposed to finish). Alot of this is too technical for me. I don't know what many computer terms mean. Perhaps the next person will know?[/i] [b]I think[/b] this training was very interesting because during this period I have learn[b]t[/b] a lot. ***[i]"In my opinion, I think..." <--- use one phrase OR the other, not both. I'd miss out "In my opinion,".[/i] -------------------------------------- Il n'y a pas de quoi, Mery;). And welcome back. I hope you had a nice holiday:). I hope this helps. You obviously knew many of these corrections yourself, but you're just checking with a native, I guess :D. But still, I'm not knowledgable on computers and the business world, so someone who knows this world can better correct some things.;) | |
| slobo | Saturday 04th of June 2005 11:48:12 PM |
| - [i]I have some input if that is ok, and I dont mean to be offensive![/i]
"install and to maintain the computer device" [i]Do you mean by computer device, the computer system, or should it be computer device[b]s[/b], I dont know, it just sounds weird to me. Maybe on "network is working well" put efficiently or a more interesting word.[/i] "This hospital is situated in Villejuif, Paris suburbs" [i]Maybe add "in the paris suburbs" to make it flow better.[/i] "me to realize two projects" [i]if it is for UK-English you spell reali[b]s[/b]e whereas for US-English it would be with a z.[/i] "installing antivirus in each computer. " [i]I think the plural for antivirus would be antiviruses[/i] "fix the computer where the worker need med" [i]Do you mean, - fix the computer where the worker(s) needed me.?[/i] "thin client doesn't have hard disk" [i]doesnt have [b]a [/b] hard disk.[/i] Sorry I also dont have much technical know-how but I hope I helped. good luck! Slow-bo | |
| Mery | Sunday 05th of June 2005 02:43:11 AM |
| - Hi Ulven and Slobo,
Thanks a lot for your help :D I really appreciate it! Sure I could have corrected some mistakes myself, but I had a lot of hesitations, so I prefered to post his text here. Moreover I didn't really understand what he was talking about :s I am glad to be back Ulven :) Two weeks without Phrasebase is definitely too long. I had a great time in the UK and Italy. I haven't posted a lot of messages since I am back because I am not doing well :( My Canadian friend left Belgium a few days ago and I am so sad :( I don't accept he's gone. Anyway... Thanks again to both of you! | |
| Angel_Ameria | Tuesday 07th of June 2005 02:06:50 AM |
| Just trying to help... - Perhaps,
"installing antivirus [i]software[/i]" would be better? | |
| Angel_Ameria | Tuesday 07th of June 2005 02:07:26 AM |
| Just trying to help... - Perhaps,
"installing antivirus [i]software[/i]" would be better? | |
